How long?
Working in the diabetes industry, I talk about MY diabetes a lot. I’m sure most of you can tell that I’m very open about having diabetes - it tends to be one of the first things out of my mouth whether I’m meeting new friends or working. I went through a tough time as a teenager accepting that I had diabetes, and I got myself in a lot of trouble when I tried to hide it (read: DKA). It wasn’t until hitting rock bottom that I stopped apologizing for having diabetes and started really living with it. And finally, I’m in a job where having this disease is an advantage - I’m a subject matter expert in the field of diabetes because I live it every day.
I share my diabetes story with my customers and other patients because it’s important to me that other people living with diabetes know they are not alone. But recently, something about what I have been saying has struck a chord with me: the number of years I’ve been living with diabetes. I’ve had it since I was 10, which means this Christmas, I’ll hit 18 years with diabetes. Knowing that the 20 year mark is a pivotal milestone in the duration of living with Type 1, I have to say that my worry factor has gone up a bit. This is a worry that all people with diabetes live with: is this the year something goes wrong? Or the year that something that was a minor worry becomes a major issue? Is this the year the eye exam comes back with some problems, or the foot starts tingling too much…is this the year that what “they” have been warning me about appears?
I think most of us try to balance a fine line between the fear of complications being a motivator versus a terrifying, monstrous, looming frustrater, which I’ve blogged about before. But as I made my annual eye exam appointment, and wondered a little too much about the indigestion I had the other day, I can’t help but be rocked by that “17 years” that keeps coming up after telling people I’ve had diabetes. It is what us folks with diabetes do so well, right? We worry like we were paid to do it. We worry about the next glucose test, the next A1c, what that salmon will do to our BG in two hours, you name it, we worry about it. That’s what it means to have diabetes.
But at the same time, come what may, I’ve been able to be here for 17 years - thriving, living - having an amazing job, traveling the world, falling in love, and doing so many things that are truly a privilege. I try to not lose sight of that when the clouds of worry come sneaking in.
I might be a bit emotional and contemplative this week guys - waiting (and worrying!) for my A1c result has got me all kinds of anxious - I just want to see my work pay off! Fingers crossed - just like they have been for 17 years.
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Comments
I belong to a spiritual practice that says almost all of what we experience, good or bad, comes from what we hold in our mind - you truly believe and expect something, and the universe molds itself to manifest your vision - whatever that is, good or bad. So vision that your next 18 years will be even healthier as you have more tools, therapies and experience to draw upon. You are exactly where you are today because of every step you have taken before, every choice you have already made. The fact that you are 17 years more experienced than you were at diagnosis, and technology/medicine has also advanced, would indicate the dreaded projection will keep moving forward in time until you’re 90. As PWDs, we can know in minutes or months the results of some of our choices, and cumulatively, you are making all the right choices. 
DiabetesCommunity
I hope your A1C results are GREAT! it’s a whole lotta work being diabetic and nice to see some evidence the work is paying off. And yes, hard not to fret about the future sometimes…. but we just have to focus on what is within our control. That story you put up about one of the early insulin recipients sure made me think about how far we have come!