The numbers game is ruining my day.
How’s your day going? Have you had to make a lot of decisions today? I’m going to let you in on mine right now, because I currently being bartered for slave labor between technology and my good-for-nothin beta cells. Enjoy the inner dialogue:
6:17am bloodsugar is 180. Hhhmm, that’s a little high, must’ve eaten more than I though for dinner last night. Uuuhm, lets go with 3 units of insulin…there’s a little milk in this coffee, I bet like 5 grams of carb…
8:55 bloodsugar is 367. Whoooaaa where did that come from?!? Wait what did I eat at breakfast…? Only a little bit of that leftover chicken quesadilla…maybe there was more carb in that than I thought…maybe that sauce had some sugar in it? But nothing really happened when I ate it for dinner…hhhm oh well. I don’t even know how much to take for this…crap, uh, lets go with 8 units.
9:54 bloodsugar is 359!! Oh COME ON don’t even tell me my pump isn’t working!! This is the last pod I have and the new ones don’t get here until tomorrow afternoon. Man I really don’t want to go back to injections today. But two sugars in the 300s in a row…I should probably take it off and just inject…well lemme give it a little more, oh shoot gotta get on that conference call…..where’s the number?
10:30 bloodsugar is 298 Ok, ok, its coming down a little bit…damn its taking a while but I think its working. Oops what did that guy just say on the call??? I missed his point, hope they send out the slides on this….take off my pump…or…nah leave it on its coming down, its gotta be working…I don’t have time to deal with this.
12:00 bloodsugar is 287 as I sit down for lunch with my boss. Still high…just ordered the soup…that one has 30 grams of carbs - I know that one I looked it up. Haha. I win. Still gonna take 9 units of insulin though because I’m still high, don’t even care if I crash out because I gotta get this number down.
1:45pm 368. This f’ing thing is broken. Stupid pump. I’ve taken DOUBLE the amount of insulin already today than I normally would and I’m still cruising in the 300s. Rip of my insulin pod. Draw up 10 units and jam it into my leg. Dial up 26 units of Lantus and put it in the other leg. Half of it spills back up mixed with blood at the injection site. Crap. Must’ve hit some scar tissue. Draw up another 10 units and inject into the other leg. Pump controller starts beep and asks me if “I would like to activate another pod.” No you piece of shit I AM OUT OF PODS AND APPARENTLY WHEN I PUT THEM ON THEY DON’T ALWAYS WORK! AREN’T YOU SUPPOSED TO MAKE MY LIFE EASIER!!!! Sorry, I know you do. You usually do make my life easier. But how could you fail today? I don’t have anymore pods. And I feel like crap sitting here with a 368. Couldn’t you have failed me tomorrow? Why am I talking to this device, its not going to answer me. Although that would be a nice feature……”Hello Lexie, it seems that your blood glucose is slightly elevated today, are you stressed out? Tired? Maybe getting ill? Let me see what I can do…concierge, please bring the lady 8 units of Novolog and a professional masseuse….thank you.” The pump should definately have a British accent too.
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Comments
You are certainly not alone! This blog has shown me just how big the community of support is - diabetes can be isolating, but it has opened up a world of connections with amazing people that I never would have imagined existed.
Thank you so much for reading the blog and there will be so much more to come!
Omigod! Thank you! Sasha’s website sent me this way and I am overwhelmed by how much you sound like me. I was 26 when diagnosed with Type I and it’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to deal with…thank you, thank you for making me not feel alone…