I went to a local department store to get the perfect under-things for my dress. These underthings are meant to provide lift in certain areas, and smoothing and shaping in other areas so that the total figure of me in my wedding dress looks just right (ladies out there know what I’m talking about, fellas, this is just all part of the “magic show” that we put on. Don’t over think it). Suffice it to say, I found myself in a dressing room with a saleswoman taking my measurements while wearing minimal clothing. As soon as she stepped in the room, I told her about my two devices, explaining that I have diabetes and what they were for.

“Oh wow. That’s so cool. Wait so what do they do?”

“Well this one checks blood sugar” I said pointing to the Dexcom sensor on my stomach. “And this one gives insulin” I said while turning my back to her so she could see the pod.

“How cool! You’re like a little robot!” she exclaimed.

“Yes, exactly.,” I said laughing. “A robot pancreas.”

“Robot Pancreas! I love that!” she said laughing. “Hey if they make your life easier, that’s so great! Ok, let’s get you measured. ”

She proceeded to take my measurements and we talked alternately about diabetes and the wedding. You could tell she was used to measuring ladies of all sorts in their skivvies because nothing really phased her. She made sure not to include my pump in her measurement around my waist, and didn’t bat an eye at my peeling, tape-residued sensor.

“Ok, I’m going to grab you a slim-fitting slip to try on for under the dress. Do your little friends stay on?” she said, completely serious.

My little friends. My little friends? What is she….oh! She’s talking about my pump and sensor!

“Um yes! Yes they do! My little friends stay on with everything I wear….”

“Oh good” she replied, “I just didn’t want the slip to pull on them when you put it on.”

My little friends? Well, they are two of the most helpful devices I’ve ever met, so what if they’re inanimate objects? Me and my little friends go everywhere together. Best buds! I had to laugh at her choice of words, and I loved that she kept everything light-hearted, even though I was standing there a bit exposed and vulnerable. If only everyone had that reaction to diabetes!

And this:

A big, huge, box of pods arriving at your doorstep, replenishing your supply and giving you one less thing to remember to re-order…at least for the next three months.

It really is all about the little joys with this disease…we have to get excited about something, right?

Today’s confession would be the fact that my blood sugar was high when I woke up at 4am on Monday morning (I woke up, of course, because I had to pee. Which is indecently how I knew I was also running high. The joys of being sweet-blooded).  But did I correct the high before getting back into bed? No. I ignored it and went right back to sleep. Why? Because I wanted to go running when I woke up a few hours later and I didn’t want to be low (see also: paint drying).

Selfish? Yes. A bit reckless? Yes. The wrong diabetes management choice? You betcha.

Forgive me diabetes, for I have sinned.

Now, if only there were steps I could take – a few prayers to recite or candles to light – that would absolve those sins (and any damage I did to my body) that would be the ultimate solution. But until then, I’ll have to take “do better the next time” as my only path to retribution. And thank goodness I have the opportunity for a next time.

Michael DeSoi contacted me about a website that will be coming soon called Type1moms.org (you can see their pre-launch site here. This website will contain one minute videos from real-life moms and dads of kids with diabetes. The videos will cover all sorts of topics, from dealing with rebellious adolescents to how Type 1 diabetes can affect your family’s finances. The videos are purposely kept to only one minute long because the DeSoi family knows how busy moms are, and especially how busy the moms of Type 1 kids are. The founding family has a daughter who was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes in 2009. Lauren DeSoi, the mother,  needed advice, but wasn’t satisfied with her initial search results for support groups online. She wanted to make it easier for parents to get the information they needed from people who had been through the exact same thing. So she and some friends started the website, and Lauren now “heads an organization designed to help share information, offer support and deliver hope – for sixty seconds everyday.”

Although the site was initially intended for moms, they make it clear that they will absolutely be including dads in their videos and they hope, in their readership. Anyone can submit a video, and they will also be interviewing an initial round of moms in the Philly area for the videos to kick things off. You can also donate to their Kickstarter fund to help keep the project going.

What I like about this website is that they are offering real advice from people really living through it. Type 1 diabetes is one of the most confusing, nonsensical, frustrating, and misunderstood diseases in the world, and no one really gets it unless they’ve lived it. I think parents of kids with diabetes will truly appreciate honest insight from other folks going through the same issues. And the fact that each video is only sixty seconds means that parents can have time to learn something new every day without having to sign up for a class or meet up with a support group (both excellent resources as well, but more time consuming of course). I think this is such a great idea for the busy parents with Type 1 kids. Because those folks are true heroes in my eyes.

Visit their website for more info!

http://www.type1moms.org/

“I have diabetes too,” I say. He smiles at me. “Can I pet your dog? I ask.

“Well sure, he’s friendly.”

I reach down to pet the dog and look back up at the man. “Does he help you feel safe?” I ask.

“Oh. The vest. Well, it’s mostly ornamental, you know.”

From there, our conversation is about diabetes. He’s in his eighties, has had Type 1 since being diagnosed in his mid-fifties. He doesn’t see an endocrinologist but has a great internal medicine doctor and uses an insulin pump and feels his diabetes is in good control. I show him my OmniPod and he’s impressed at the wireless technology. He tells me he doesn’t think having diabetes is so bad, and I agree. It becomes very clear that the dog is not a diabetes awareness dog, but just his buddy and there for moral support, if anything. Soon, he finishes his coffee and departs, the poodle scooting along behind him on his leash.

And here, friends, is where I don’t know what to think. The man has fudged the dog’s credentials. The vest was probably ordered online or made at a local embroidery shop, and isn’t backed by any actual training. This, to me, is upsetting because it devalues the very real need for actual service animals who are very much helping their owners live a normal and safe life.

On the other hand, the guy was in his eighties, by himself, and the dog wasn’t bothering anyone – in fact it spent the entire time under his chair in the Starbucks. But does all that matter when someone has lied about a very serious medical need? I don’t know. It still seems wrong to me, but at the same time, I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell that to an 80+ year old man.

How about you guys? Is it offensive? Harmless? Somewhere in between? And does it matter that the dog was extremely cute?

Pre-lunch BG of 168mg/dL

+ Sandwich consisting of two large slices of bread, estimated at 20 grams of carbs each for a total of 40 carbs

+ 4 units of insulin for the carbs using a 1:10 ration

+ 1 unit of insulin for correction of the 168 (using a 1 unit for a 50 point drop in BG ratio)

+ 0 minutes of exercise that day to account for

+ no sickness/added stress to account for

+ no current insulin on board

=

Huh? Over 300mg/dL two hours post-prandial? Didn’t I calculate for this? Did they accidentally use sugar cookies instead of bread on this sandwich? Was the turkey laced with caramel that I didn’t taste? Does my carb ratio change on Wednesdays to 1:5 and nobody told me? WTF?

Ug.

Type 1 diabetes: Bringing you the finest in nonsensical bulls&*% since the beginning of time.

“OCCLUSION! BOLUS STOPPED” screamed the screen. I hit “confirm” which stops the pod altogether and it off my back. And there I saw not just a slight kink in the cannula but a full-on, 90 degree bend, complete with insulin backed up at the blockage. Yep, I’d call that an occlusion. The same way I’d call the Hoover Dam a water diversion….

And I’d really, really like to know what on earth I did to my pod to bend a cannula that way.

Jacob and I are both light sleepers. In some ways, this is a good thing when you have diabetes. I know he’d wake up if I was having a serious problem, and he’s always checking in on me when I have to get up to treat a low. But he doesn’t need to wake up every time I’m making a diabetes management decision, especially if that involves treating a pesky night time high or if I’m “skirting” the alarm (that’s when you have an alarm set to buzz at say, 180mg/dL, and you annoyingly keep going from 178-182 the entire night, causing repeat alarms). The last Dexcom model had an alarm and vibration combo that was just loud enough to wake only me up (if I put it on the carpet beside the bed). But the new G4? Holy. Cow. That. Thing. Is. LOUD.

Both the alarm sound and the vibrations are louder on the new G4. And don’t get me wrong – this is a good thing! Most people with diabetes worry about sleeping through those important alarms, especially parents who are monitoring their young children. I am pretty sure the new louder alarms and vibrations are the direct result of customer feedback, and that should be applauded. It just so happens I (and Jacob) fall into the category of “light sleepers who jump out of a deep sleep and also their skin when that effing bull horn/jackhammer goes off at 3am.” Portland homes are known for gorgeous hardwood floors, so there’s not carpet beside the bed anymore for me to put it on.

So these days, this is where the Dexcom will be living at night. It’s very own teeny little sleeping bag. So that hopefully, my darling husband-to-be can get a little shut eye around here!

Last year, I made the switch from evening to morning workouts, using a highly scientific method of triple-shot cappucinos and pep talks given to myself at 5:30am on the way to the gym. And while working out in the morning is easier on the ‘betes in some ways (no food in your system yet also means no insulin on board to worry about), these AM workouts have a unique set of issues as well. The most annoying of which is when you wake up with the best intentions to get in a killer workout before the sun comes up, and your blood sugar has other plans. Plans that include hovering around 71mg/dL for an hour or so while you pretend to watch the news but actually compulsively test your blood sugar to see if it’s coming up while also tinkering with your basal rates.

I hate this waiting game. I hate it because it gets more complicated as the minutes go on. When I wake up a teeny bit low, in the high 60s or low 70s, my BGs will often rise on their own as the “wake up” hormones start to take effect, signaling the start of a new day. But I’ve made the mistake of assuming this will happen during a workout, only to crash and burn 10 minutes in. As a rule, I don’t like to work out with a number lower than 85mg/dL, and even with that number I might still have a small snack. The trouble with morning workouts though is that if I treat the semi-low by eating before I workout, and I lower my basal rates as an extra precaution, my BG will often shoot through the roof by the end of the workout (again because of the “wake up hormones” which are similar to those we use while working out – cortisol and adrenaline, both excellent at pushing BGs up). Exercise-induced highs are very difficult for me to bring down, causing more trouble than they’re worth hours later.

So, I sit. And I wait. I nibble one-eighth of an apple and see what that does. I reduce my basals by 70% and then decide that’s crazy and change it to 50%, then decide a 60% reduction is what I should have done all along. All the while, I’m starting to get hungry as the morning wears on and I have yet to break the fast. I fiddle, I test, I burn out the battery on the CGM, I get antsy and annoyed.

Yep, I’d rather watch paint dry.

If that’s what wedding planning looks like to you, then you’re either eloping or living inside a a copy of Brides magazine. Because all that is just a fantasy. Some of wedding planning is really fun – and it’s mostly the parts where it’s just you and your fiance discussing what you’d like for the big day. That’s stuff is actually really romantic and fun. But as soon as other people get involved….well, that’s when stuff starts to get a little stressful. Everyone has an opinion about how this event should go and what should be said at this time and where your weird Uncle Sylvester should be seated during dinner to ensure the least amount of disturbance. There’s a lot of opinions about what you should be doing in order to optimize the big day. If you listened to what everyone else wants and suggests though, you’ll end up with someone else’s wedding. And losing sight of the only thing that matters that day, which you and your partner.

Last summer I went to a wedding with Jacob that was as far from what I picture for my big day as possible. It was in a state park, next to a river. There was no music during the ceremony, and no bridal party. Lunch was barbecued by the bride’s father and despite the rustic setting, the bride was wearing a huge, poufy, sparkly, Cinderella-style wedding gown. It was, to say the least, not my style.

But that’s because it wasn’t my wedding, and it didn’t’ matter what I or any other guest thought. The bride and groom were glowing the whole day, and giddily explained how this was one of their favorite parks to spend time in. They both work in forestry conservation, and state parks are sacred to them. The bride gushed about picking out her dress with her sister, and her dad flipped burgers for hours, grinning from ear to ear. It was their perfect wedding, and everything they dreamed of. You couldn’t help but be utterly thrilled for the both of them, and to feel enveloped by nothing but love and happiness at their quirky wedding.

So, what does this have to do with diabetes? Everything. If you’ve had diabetes for more than five minutes, you know that people have a lot of opinions about what you should and shouldn’t be doing to take care of yourself. People will tell you what to eat, when to eat, when and how to exercise, and that this one Peruvian cinnamon will definitely cure you. But the only diabetes regimen you should be following is the one that works for you. It’s the one that you’ll stick to in order to optimize your health. You are the only one who has to live this every day. So although advice can be helpful, it should also be taken with a grain of salt. Because whether your dream is the wedding in the woods or a fairy-tale castle, you have to do what works for you and your diabetes.

Not that you’d ever marry your diabetes…even though it IS always there…..