Hey remember that time I just didn’t blog for a few days? Oh what’s that you say – that’s right now? Yes, yes, the big birthday bash weekend, a.k.a. OMG I’m Actually 30 Can You Believe It? Weekend Extravaganza was truly epic. So epic I’m only just now back in front of the computer.
Two of my best college friends flew in town for the festivities. We went downtown on Saturday night with my whole gaggle of gals and danced like it was my 21st birthday instead of 30. We lounged on Sunday and brunched on Monday…and then there was the surprise party on Monday night that I REALLY didn’t see coming. By Tuesday morning when I had to go back to work, I was wondering where all the fun was – and what the heck my blood sugar was since I’d been paying minimal attention to it for three days.
This past weekend was not one for great blood sugars. For starters, I took a most superficial pump break on Saturday. My dress was very form fitting (hey a gal likes to look cute on her 30th!) for Saturday night, and my pump was messing up my “look.” So I took a 24 hour pump break (but left my CGM on since dancing in heels can = bad lows hours later),which left my BGs a bit wonky to begin with. Plus, there were indulging food and drinks abounding, and when you can say “hey, it’s my birthday, I can justify that pizza/pasta/brownie/champagne at 11am/insert carb bomb here,” it doesn’t make for a very pretty CGM output.
By Tuesday, my body was craving a workout, leafy greens, and an egg white omlette. While I adjusted back on track right away, it was amazing to reflect on how easy it was for me to all but ignore my diabetes for a weekend in the name of a good time. I’m not saying I regret it – you only turn 30 once – but I am saying it was surprising easy to do. And it made me think back to those days in my teens when a bad diabetes weekend turned in to a bad diabetes week, and then a bad diabetes month and what was eventually a couple of poorly controlled years. Bad habits don’t start as habits, they start as a series of bad decisions, and then getting used to feeling crappy.
I feel confident in my level of control and care these days that I don’t worry too much about ever slipping back in to my teenage rebellion. But I do think having a weekend like this one reminds me that it’s not always about willpower or someone actively trying to not take care of their diabetes. Sometimes life happens and we justify things…and sometimes that goes on for too long. What’s most encouraging is to help someone build new, healthy habits so they can show themselves what good looks and feels like.
When I think back on my 20 years with diabetes, the ups and downs match my personal life. Heavy conflict, personal discords, and times when I wasn’t sure of myself were the times when my control wavered. But the best thing about turning 30 is the fac that I am so much more confident in who I am, and that includes my feelings and actions about my diabetes.
So I don’t regret my tight-dress-pump break, or ordering my absolute favorite pasta for dinner on Sunday night. Because I know that I’m making thousands of good decisions the other 362 days of the year….