Ok – don’t let the headline of this post fool you! There’s no bun in the oven – we just got engaged last week! Jacob and I certainly aren’t thinking quite that far ahead yet – maybe plan a wedding first? But you wouldn’t believe how many people have already asked us when we’ll have kids, how many we’ll have, etc. And the fact that I was at my sister’s baby shower this weekend didn’t exactly stifle any of those questions. I understand why people ask – I do it too – it’s a natural question. But what’s unnatural is the unbelievable things people say about having diabetes and having kids:
“You can’t have kids, right?”
“So your kids will have diabetes. Don’t you think that’s unfair?”
“Oh I wish you’d adopt. It’s just so dangerous.”
“What will you eat when you’re pregnant, since you can’t eat sugar?” (Side note on that last one: is it true what they say that little girls are made of sugar and spice? Does this mean I will have a boy since I “can’t have sugar?” Do I have to eat snails to replace the lack of sugar? What about the puppy dog tails? Just curious. Ahem. Digression).
I’m normally pretty laid back when it comes to obnoxious diabetes questions – I try to laugh rather than take it personally. But with the “can you have kids questions,” I can’t help but get upset. Perhaps this is some deep-down-protective-will-be-a-mother-one-day instinct that I have, but factually incorrect questions about me having kids or statements that insinuate that it would be irresponsible for me to have kids make. Me. Want. To. Scream.
I’m not an idiot, and I’m not living in some fantasy world where I think that me having kids is the same as someone without diabetes – it’s not. I’m high risk, and yes, there’s a chance my kids could have it too. But that doesn’t mean it’s anyone else’s choice outside of me and Jacob whether we have kids or not. And it’s such a personal thing to be inquiring about, that I can’t believe people -some who are nearly complete strangers – think that it’s ok to ask. If it’s this bad right now and all I did was get engaged, I’m terrified of the &^%$storm of judgement that will happen when I’m actually pregnant.
Listen all ye judgey folks: this ain’t Steel Magnolias. And this also isn’t YOUR future family. And nine out of ten of you who say this stuff don’t know the first thing about living with diabetes. So easy on the inquisitions, blanket statements, and offensive questions. People with Type 1 diabetes have healthy babies all the time, and live to (happily) tell the tale. And intend to be one of those people….one day.