You’re engaged….when’s the baby due?
Ok – don’t let the headline of this post fool you! There’s no bun in the oven – we just got engaged last week! Jacob and I certainly aren’t thinking quite that far ahead yet – maybe plan a wedding first? But you wouldn’t believe how many people have already asked us when we’ll have kids, how many we’ll have, etc. And the fact that I was at my sister’s baby shower this weekend didn’t exactly stifle any of those questions. I understand why people ask – I do it too – it’s a natural question. But what’s unnatural is the unbelievable things people say about having diabetes and having kids:
“You can’t have kids, right?”
“So your kids will have diabetes. Don’t you think that’s unfair?”
“Oh I wish you’d adopt. It’s just so dangerous.”
“What will you eat when you’re pregnant, since you can’t eat sugar?” (Side note on that last one: is it true what they say that little girls are made of sugar and spice? Does this mean I will have a boy since I “can’t have sugar?” Do I have to eat snails to replace the lack of sugar? What about the puppy dog tails? Just curious. Ahem. Digression).
I’m normally pretty laid back when it comes to obnoxious diabetes questions – I try to laugh rather than take it personally. But with the “can you have kids questions,” I can’t help but get upset. Perhaps this is some deep-down-protective-will-be-a-mother-one-day instinct that I have, but factually incorrect questions about me having kids or statements that insinuate that it would be irresponsible for me to have kids make. Me. Want. To. Scream.
I’m not an idiot, and I’m not living in some fantasy world where I think that me having kids is the same as someone without diabetes – it’s not. I’m high risk, and yes, there’s a chance my kids could have it too. But that doesn’t mean it’s anyone else’s choice outside of me and Jacob whether we have kids or not. And it’s such a personal thing to be inquiring about, that I can’t believe people -some who are nearly complete strangers – think that it’s ok to ask. If it’s this bad right now and all I did was get engaged, I’m terrified of the &^%$storm of judgement that will happen when I’m actually pregnant.
Listen all ye judgey folks: this ain’t Steel Magnolias. And this also isn’t YOUR future family. And nine out of ten of you who say this stuff don’t know the first thing about living with diabetes. So easy on the inquisitions, blanket statements, and offensive questions. People with Type 1 diabetes have healthy babies all the time, and live to (happily) tell the tale. And intend to be one of those people….one day.
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Comments
I am terrified too of how I will feel in responce to the comments that will inevitably flow in if I am someday pregnant. I was thinking the other day that maybe I should start trying to grow a thicker skin now in preparation for that someday.
Damn, that’s certainly under the MYOB umbrella. Thought after all those years of needles you might have already developed a thicker skin (yeah, I know it’s just the one thigh spot!!), but yeesh – they should learn the Buddhist practice that before you say ANYTHING, pause and ask yourself, “It is kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?” All the questions you got fail 3 outa 3!
It might not be as bad as you anticipate. I’m a type 1 and 20 weeks pregnant. I answer questions when people have them, but everyone has been very supportive during my pregnancy. I acknowledge upfront that I know I’m a complicated pregnancy and that my husband and I took all of the factors into consideration before ultimately taking the plunge. In my opinion, by being upfront about the risks and the amount of thought that went into it took away a lot of the questions and statements people who don’t know better tend to make. Not that you have to justify your decision to have kids to anyone, but it might be easier in the long run to head them off at the pass if you know what I mean.
Mazel Tov on your engagement!! I know what you mean about the annoying comments. My single, unmarried sister just gave birth to a little boy. You wouldn’t believe the questions people ask her: where did she get the sperm? it is her own egg? did she have sex with a stranger to get pregnant? how much did she spend on fertility treatments? People have no boundaries.
Of course you will have a safe and healthy pregnancy when the time comes. You are so on top of things in the “d” department. Today I saw my daughters teacher who has diabetes and just had a baby. Both are wonderful and she is over the moon. You will be, too.
Again, Mazel Tov! I wish you both the joy of it…not the terrible questions. I remember reading “Dear Abby” when I was a kid. She always told people who are asked nosy questions to respond by saying, “Why do you ask?”
Congratulations!
I had to comment on this one.
Right on! Sugar and spice….too funny!
Although I am not as “out” with my diabetes as some people, the few people who know about it are very inquisitive, but not offensive. No kids for me yet, but thanks to blogs like yours, I’m preparing myself for the inevitable stupid questions!
I’d like to see some scientific stats on the likeliness of those people have a child with diabetes vs. the likeliness of a diabetic having a “normal” child.