I promise to tell the whole truth…
As most of you can tell from this blog, I’m pretty open about having diabetes. Even though there are often negative reactions when you “put it out there,”(“oh, you have diabetes because you ate too much sugar, right?”), it hasn’t stopped me from sharing my thoughts on the disease, or doing whatever I have to do to take care of my health. That includes this blog. Since I interact in the diabetes community so much, I often find the opportunity to mention that I have a blog. I started this site because I found such tremendous support from the online community that I wanted to take a greater role in that population. And most often, the feedback I receive from readers is that it’s an excellent source of support and that it helps communicate what its like to live with diabetes to those that don’t have it.
That’s not to say that the feedback on my blog is always good – and I wouldn’t expect it to be! They say you’re not a real writer until you have critics, and I would never be so naïve as to think everyone will always like what I write – I’ve got the negative comments to prove it! But one thing I never expected to feel was guilty about making a negative impression on a newly diagnosed person with diabetes.
A few weeks ago, a friend reached out to me asking for my blog site. Someone her husband worked with had just been diagnosed with diabetes in his late 20s, and she wanted to pass the blog on to him. I did so and hoped that it would help him know that he is not alone with this disease and that there are tons of people out there that know what he is going through. I ran in to my friend last week and she brought up the newly diagnosed acquaintance.
“He said it was really hard to read your blog” she told me.
Gulp. “Really? Why was that?” I asked, already feeling upset.
“Well he read about a really tough day you were having and I think it was discouraging,” she told me.
“Oh. Well, shoot, that’s a bummer, because I write about the good days too” I reminded her.
“Yeah, I know, actually the day I checked it though it was about a really bad day too – something about being a on a rollercoaster with your blood sugar.”
Crud. That was a really bad day. “Yeah, that was a tough day, I see what you mean.” I told her.
I was crushed. I couldn’t believe that someone visiting my site was left feeling worse about having diabetes. That was never my intention. This is supposed to be a site about support, about sharing, about living well with diabetes. My negativity had disheartened a newly diagnosed patient – someone who was already dealing with difficult new emotions. My blog had the opposite effect of what I had intended and I couldn’t help but feel guilty that I had discouraged someone’s outlook on the disease.
But as I chewed through the emotions of what I was feeling, I realized that I cannot protect anyone from the fact that living with diabetes means there are highs and lows. There are good days and there are bad days. There are days when I myself am so discouraged with this disease that I want to quit.
But then there are days when I cannot believe how far technology has come. There are days when I try new sports. There are days when I am amazed at all the new friends I’ve made by sharing both the good and the bad. There are days when I am thankful for having diabetes, because it has made me the person that I am. I can’t hide the hardships from anyone – not the newly diagnosed or the veterans. But just like we learned recently that even Olympians have a bad diabetes, day, all people with diabetes have ups and downs. I never promised anyone that this blog would only tell the good stuff. It tells the real stuff. And I think that’s the story of anyone’s life – not just people with diabetes.
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Comments
alexis,
the way you talk about diabetes so honestly on a day to day basis is what makes your blog like therapy for me (and other diabetics). i love reading your day to day entries about all of our trials and tribulations with this strange disease. the technology issues/distractions, how it fits into your 20-something life, and how you manage to put it all together is something we all struggle with. but it’s great to hear you talk about it with such candor! keep up the great work!
cheers,
ian (long time reader, first time commenter, 26 y/o T1, dealing with diabetes for 15 yrs)
The whole point of a blog is to be a frequent diary of your life experience. So there will be good days, bad days, mediocre days and fantastic days – that’s life for everyone, and diabetics are no exceptions. Reading your blog for just one entry is entirely out of context – he just happened to hit a day that was emotionally for you a low point, and you were sharing your strength and experience online. I’ve had good and bad YEARS in the wild and wacky world of betes. But hey – you’re being open and HONEST about your experiences – no sugar coating here (har har – you’d need to bolus for that). So let him read a few dozen archive entries, and then walk the whole mile in your Jimmy Chu’s!! Just keep on keeping it REAL Lexie – your betes blog is the sum of the parts, and ther sum is damn good.
Ian – thank you so much for you feedback, and for leaving your first comment – it was just the support that I needed to hear. I am so glad this blog has been helpful for you and provided a place for you to relate – I really appreciate it!
Jerry – I know you’re right, thank you for putting that in to eloquent words. It felt bad to disappoint, but like you said, it might have been easier for him to read it here than to have to live it alone the first time. Thanks so much for your feedback, I appreciate it.
Rich!! Thank you so much – what an awesome and encouraging comment. I hope you know how much I appreciate your support – and also that you know what Jimmy Choos are hahahaha! Thanks my friend, I will keep on being honest, I don’t know any other way to be.
You’ve got the right attitude and the commenters are right on target. The reality of the disease is that there are some very difficult life changes and choices that need to be made. If you blow smoke up everyone’s ass by painting a picture of it being like Disneyland, you are doing them a dis-service. They will soon realize that there ARE good days and bad days, there ARE problems regulating BG despite doing everything you can to “be good” … if you made it all hearts and bubbles and deceptively easy, the readers would soon face the realities that it’s NOT and feel like failures themselves.
Your entries are a perfect balance of optimism, positivity, informative and realistic and don’t you doubt it! You inspire me to be more aware of my eating habits and to be more diligent with testing. Did you hear that? YOU INSPIRE ME! Truly. So, keep on rocking out the blog and hold your head high sister!!
Tiffany
Tiffany, you just made my day. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your words of encouragement. Thank you for reading and contributing, and for being supportive. People like you are the reason I started blogging – we can share, learn, laugh and cry and know that we never have to go it alone. Thanks so much!
If reading your account of a bad diabetes day was discouraging, then he needed some discouragement. He was being given unrealistic expectations.
Sooner or later he was due for a disappointment. Reading about one of your bad days is way easier than having one of his own.
With any luck, some day he’ll look back on this and realize that you told the truth, and he needed to hear it.
I hope he read some more and found positive stuff, too.